29th of September is St Michael's day also know as Michael mass and I have been aware of the day for the last 3 years just sitting with the idea and gently pondering, Do I like dragons ? NO but do I want to see one slain , NO ! So what does it all mean. Why at the beginning of autumn , The dragon rears its head and Angel Micheal kills him hereby encouraging us to slay our demons to be brave and then today, the light bulb went off and I got it !

FEAR SPEAKS TO THE DISTRUST OF ETERNAL LOVE.

It is a disbelief in yourself.
It is a perversion of truth and light and love,
which is precisely what this world is all about,
the healing of extreme distortions
of truth and light and love.

Fear is a fungus
that grows rapidly in dark places
of the consciousness
It is the most powerful of doors
that closes off the word and light of God.

Fear is the dragon at the gate
do not worry about the dragon itself but what it represents
It is the denial of light and love
and the denial of light and love is resisting God
for he has promised to never leave us EVER
Its is a lie with the goal of trying to separate you in your mind from God.

So ask the dragon and listen clearly to its reply "what are you trying to say ?"
For once you acknowledge the fear it has already begun to lose power over you and then tell the dragon what you have to say, mine is, (Dragon , this little light of mine, will not be puffed out my winters cold, wind , snow and darkness , my inner light and the love of God that shields me, will light my way through the winter, through the hard times in my life and I will be brave .

Then relax, sink back into Gods love
Be still and know.

co-sleeping

 

I made the decision to let Jannah sleep in our bed, right from when she was very tiny, we put her on a pillow between us so that she was slightly higher than us and our duvet. She was born in December and so it was cold at night. It makes no sense when every part of you is telling you to put your baby into your warm bed and every part of her is telling her that is where she needs to be, we have loved it. So how has this effected her, now that she is almost two .
She loves bed time and nap time, she loves cuddling and kisses but more than that.......

If she kicks the blankets off, I monitor the heat, should I open the window, if she cuddles closer, I make sure she is covered and I warm her with body heat and maybe close the window ect

If we have had a busy day or some other new adventure and she is restless, sometimes even having a bad dream, I think about what happened that day and the next time I adjust and monitor.
Sometimes she laughs, right from her belly and I thank God  that I heard it. When she does have a bad dream, she twitches and pulls a face and sometimes a waaaaa , which lasts about 2 seconds, she doesn't cry, not at bedtime, not when she wakes and certainly not in the morning, which is met with laughter and much joy.

I often think about the other babies around that are her age, that are put into a cot and the door closed on them and told "Go to sleep" what happens when they are cold or too warm, unhappy or happy , it goes totally unnoticed, do they cuddle and kiss their teddies the way Jannah kisses and cuddles me and Daddy ?

So to answer the questions that I always get, when do you get "me" time , well I put her to bed at 8pm and once she is asleep, I get up for two hours and then when sleepy, we cuddle into a warm bed :)
and sex ? Yes we still have sex, Jannah has her own bedroom and her own bed and Daddy lifts her and puts her into bed and an hour or two later she wakes and toddles through back to our bed. We always close and lock our door, so that ever one in the house knows during that time we have a "Do not disturb " and it means that we are free to relax for half an hour.

The other thing is, if her environment changes hotels/holiday cottages/camping it does not worry her at all as she is secure, only insecure children feel threatened.
In a world where there is so many children being diagnosed with mental health issues, I hold my children closer and slow down even more and go back to good traditional ways.

I wanted to start blogging again, to record this very special time in my life and although last year was probably the hardest year I have ever had, I have a wonderful sense of hope that this year is going to be something really special. Michelle painted this picture for Christmas, she just turned 16 and is the sweetest 16 year old I have ever met, she has a heart of gold and is super intelligent, I feel the need to lock her up in a tower for a few years to protect her and yet she is so confidant within herself. She asked me the other day " Mom , do you think that maybe this summer I could catch a train to Wales and stay a few days there on my own ?" My response of course was "NO, maybe at 19 !

David has just turned 14
and Jannah has just turned 1

What joy and excitement for blessed am I among women to have been given this task and i pray that God will help me each day of this year to me the best Mother and Wife that I can be.